ai shiteru

I want to run away.
Not really run.
I want to leave for a month or something like it.
I want to know people miss me.
But I am pretty sure the people I wish would miss me wouldnt. Or dont now for that matter.

I had a random nose bleed today.
First time ever for me.
I wonder if it might be something serious. I dont think so, it prob. is just an added bonus of this cold thing I have.
Is it wrong to almost want it to be something serious? I wouldnt tell anyone if it was. I wouldnt let them worry over me. I dont want them to.
It isnt something serious though.

Do I sound like a nutcase? It seems I only write things in this when I am in a weird mental state.
I wonder, if someone could listen to all my thoughts, how long it might take them to lock me up.
I feel guilty being the way I am because of the situations I have dealt with. So many people have it way worse, so why am I like this? Compared to some of the horrors in this world, my life is a peice of cake minus the icing. But its still cake right?

How can you deal with problems if you dont know the problem in the first place?

time travel

I someone from my past to show up and slap me.
I want them to tell me how stupid I seem to be acting now.
I want them to force me back to the point in my life where I had lots of friend. When I could cry, when I could smile a lot and mean it. When I cared what I said and when I could be around people without feelings of love (or a stronger liking feeling then that of friends) being thrown around.

Now all I want is to not be single.
I want to be able to cry.
I want to not be lonely.
I want to be able not to ruin a situation.
I want to not be crazy and cause problems that shouldnt be occuring.
I want to be able to handle certain situations like other people can but I am incapable of handling.
I want to know I am going somewhere in life.


I want to be the me I was years back.
It was simple then.

I love playlist irony. it just started playing Better That We Break by Maroon 5

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say
[Better That We Break lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

So you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby