Truthfully, this is about the furthest thing from love I have ever seen.
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Friday, April 28, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Art of a fake smile
I was on a school trip for 4 days and 3 nights for FBLA [Future Business Leaders of America] and I had to share a room with an "ex" friend of mine, in fact we had to share a bed.
I have alot of pacients and when I was younger I learned to keep my mouth shut when I was mad and always be respectful even if you hate the person. I learned that at a very young age actually, I think it was around 3, when my mother married my "ex" step-father. So as I have be molded to be, I was respectful and friendly to the person even if I had told her before that I would not be in contact with her after this trip. That was because she broke my trust.
My trust is actually something that is very hard to gain, you can gain my true respect, or my friendship easily, but to have my trust is a true work of art in itself. Few people have gained it that I can name. My mother of course, however there are so things I keep to myself since they are irrevelent to anything rather then because I dont trust her. Melissa, a friend that I had every year since the first few minutes of kindergarden, we lost touch since we went to different high schools but she still has my trust. Kristie, someone who lived across the street from me since, I think, I was 7, we no longer speak since we have different circle's of friends and a fall out we had not to long before we made up and parted ways nicely, she lost my trust when we had that fallout [my fault]. Luis, I trusted him with everything, things I would never ever tell someone I told him without even thinking about it. He broke that trust [obviously].
And Cara, I have no idea why cara had my trust. She wasnt one any person would really trust with anything, she blabs alot of stuff and ennoys drama. She is immature and I believe Bi-polar. The last person anyone would trust, yet I did. It was more so because I felt that since she trusted me I could trust her, a mutual thing. That didnt occur, she blabbed something I trusted her not to and then lied to me about the reason [she never had one to begin with and if the ones she said were true they were completely stupid and selfish so it didnt matter anyway.]
I had to share a room (and bed) with a person I didnt like or trust. But I put on a nice face and was respectful. But I broke down on wednesday. We had mainly the entire day off, no workshops and the meetings were in the morning and at night, so you had in between to do what you liked. Cara wanted to save her money so she could go on a date with her boyfriend, and I was ok with that. What I wasnt ok with was, there was one thing we were planning on doing, going to a Japanese steak house called Kanpai of Tokyo. You know, one of those oens they cook on a built in grill at the table you are sitting at, like Arigatos. She was put in charge of calling and getting a shuttle ride set up for us to get there... but she didnt think when she did it. They told her our hotel was to far for them to come get us, she she bailed on the steakhouse and decided we were going to go to some cheap ass chinese place instead. If I wanted cheap chinese I could walk down th treet from my home, dont get me wrong I love chinese, but I didnt want it when I could do something different.
So I did the rational thing, called my mother and hid in the bathroom to talk to her while cara was out so I wouldnt get one of my other roommates involved in my drama. What I did after wasnt so rational, right as I hung up the phone with my mother cara walked in, and I walked out of the bathroom and confronted her. It ended with me crying in frustration and anger (my mother called it the stroede cry, we do it so we dont let our anger take over and clock the person) and cara storming out yelling that if she was incompetent then I should call the place.
So after pulling myself together, I did. Right as I hung up the phone with the news that the place was to busy to send the shuttle, Mrs. Lester [one of the teachers who came with us as an advisor] showed up at my door saying to go to her room and we were going to discuss the "plan."
I walk in the room and the first thing I say is "they are to busy to send a shuttle so forget it" and mrs. Norwood [the other advisor] says "oh no didnt you hear the new plan?" and I said no and she told me we were going to take a cab.
Short story long, 15 people total ended up coming and loving it, cara included. I saved the trip, and cara actually got the most credit, I got one mention out of 5, and I shared it with cara. But that is ok I dont need recognization, knowing that I had fun was fine.
By the way, after that cara spent money on a wallet, glow sticks, ice cream and pizza (after claiming to be sick.) I dont plan on talking to her anymore, ive decided to remove myself from all the people who seem to be causing me more drama/stress/pain then doing good. (and the oens who are just sitting in my life or using me.)
Back to being respectful, happy Kelly
------------
Pictures
Click To enlarge
The Hotel!!!
(Its called The Peabody in Orlando FL)
Kanpai-
Hotel room-
Our winners-
(Kevin Steve and Jamie got 4th for networking)
(Cody, Corey, Vanja got 2nd for multimedia they are going to nationals)
(Whitney[not shown] and Nakina got 4th for business ethics)
Steve-
(I got this pic without trying,
but when I did try, he blocked them all)
James-
(this was on the bus,
he was in the luggage overhead compartment)
The group-
I have alot of pacients and when I was younger I learned to keep my mouth shut when I was mad and always be respectful even if you hate the person. I learned that at a very young age actually, I think it was around 3, when my mother married my "ex" step-father. So as I have be molded to be, I was respectful and friendly to the person even if I had told her before that I would not be in contact with her after this trip. That was because she broke my trust.
My trust is actually something that is very hard to gain, you can gain my true respect, or my friendship easily, but to have my trust is a true work of art in itself. Few people have gained it that I can name. My mother of course, however there are so things I keep to myself since they are irrevelent to anything rather then because I dont trust her. Melissa, a friend that I had every year since the first few minutes of kindergarden, we lost touch since we went to different high schools but she still has my trust. Kristie, someone who lived across the street from me since, I think, I was 7, we no longer speak since we have different circle's of friends and a fall out we had not to long before we made up and parted ways nicely, she lost my trust when we had that fallout [my fault]. Luis, I trusted him with everything, things I would never ever tell someone I told him without even thinking about it. He broke that trust [obviously].
And Cara, I have no idea why cara had my trust. She wasnt one any person would really trust with anything, she blabs alot of stuff and ennoys drama. She is immature and I believe Bi-polar. The last person anyone would trust, yet I did. It was more so because I felt that since she trusted me I could trust her, a mutual thing. That didnt occur, she blabbed something I trusted her not to and then lied to me about the reason [she never had one to begin with and if the ones she said were true they were completely stupid and selfish so it didnt matter anyway.]
I had to share a room (and bed) with a person I didnt like or trust. But I put on a nice face and was respectful. But I broke down on wednesday. We had mainly the entire day off, no workshops and the meetings were in the morning and at night, so you had in between to do what you liked. Cara wanted to save her money so she could go on a date with her boyfriend, and I was ok with that. What I wasnt ok with was, there was one thing we were planning on doing, going to a Japanese steak house called Kanpai of Tokyo. You know, one of those oens they cook on a built in grill at the table you are sitting at, like Arigatos. She was put in charge of calling and getting a shuttle ride set up for us to get there... but she didnt think when she did it. They told her our hotel was to far for them to come get us, she she bailed on the steakhouse and decided we were going to go to some cheap ass chinese place instead. If I wanted cheap chinese I could walk down th treet from my home, dont get me wrong I love chinese, but I didnt want it when I could do something different.
So I did the rational thing, called my mother and hid in the bathroom to talk to her while cara was out so I wouldnt get one of my other roommates involved in my drama. What I did after wasnt so rational, right as I hung up the phone with my mother cara walked in, and I walked out of the bathroom and confronted her. It ended with me crying in frustration and anger (my mother called it the stroede cry, we do it so we dont let our anger take over and clock the person) and cara storming out yelling that if she was incompetent then I should call the place.
So after pulling myself together, I did. Right as I hung up the phone with the news that the place was to busy to send the shuttle, Mrs. Lester [one of the teachers who came with us as an advisor] showed up at my door saying to go to her room and we were going to discuss the "plan."
I walk in the room and the first thing I say is "they are to busy to send a shuttle so forget it" and mrs. Norwood [the other advisor] says "oh no didnt you hear the new plan?" and I said no and she told me we were going to take a cab.
Short story long, 15 people total ended up coming and loving it, cara included. I saved the trip, and cara actually got the most credit, I got one mention out of 5, and I shared it with cara. But that is ok I dont need recognization, knowing that I had fun was fine.
By the way, after that cara spent money on a wallet, glow sticks, ice cream and pizza (after claiming to be sick.) I dont plan on talking to her anymore, ive decided to remove myself from all the people who seem to be causing me more drama/stress/pain then doing good. (and the oens who are just sitting in my life or using me.)
Back to being respectful, happy Kelly
------------
Pictures
Click To enlarge
The Hotel!!!
(Its called The Peabody in Orlando FL)
Kanpai-
Hotel room-
Our winners-
(Kevin Steve and Jamie got 4th for networking)
(Cody, Corey, Vanja got 2nd for multimedia they are going to nationals)
(Whitney[not shown] and Nakina got 4th for business ethics)
Steve-
(I got this pic without trying,
but when I did try, he blocked them all)
James-
(this was on the bus,
he was in the luggage overhead compartment)
The group-
Friday, April 14, 2006
The wisdom that comes spilling out?
Havnt posted in some time. Ive becoem lazy, it happens I suppose, following large amounts of drama and spring break.
I finally figured out why im hurt so often, without the help of a therpist no less. Its ironic that I figured this out by getting my heart broken. I always racked up me getting hurt on account of me being so nice and caring. But that is not the case, no my friends Iget hurt because I put myself in the position to be. True, I dont do it the first time I am hurt, but once im hurt once I forgive people to easily, so I put myself back into the same position knowing I will be hurt so I can dislike the person more, thinking if I get hurt enough I will never forgive them. Maybe you do it to?
Ive decided upon this news I need to just seperate myself from my "friends" now, because I need to remove myself from a situation I am already getting hurt in before I keep getting myself hurt.
First to go was keith, but I didnt plan that. Oh no that was just something that happened without me wanting it to.
Second is Cara, and truth is she would have been last if never, if she hadnt broke my trust. But she did, she told everyone about me iming luis and telling him I wished he would come back and still hurt but wish he would, basically, die because of how mean he is. Worst part was she didnt even tell the people she told the correct thing, so now they have a misconstruded view on it and I dont want to tell them the truth because I dont want them to know. So she was the first to be removed from my life.
I have decided tho I need a new set of friends, ones who dont have drama and are more mature but still funny and I need friends who are smart and can hold a real, and sometimes deep, conversation without doing anything stupid for atleast an hour. but I still need people who are caring and funny and odd. Do they have those kind of people or am I destined to be alone?
Edit- I just realized you guys dont know, Luis cheated on me with another girl. I found out by looking at the other girl's myspace... sad right? Well I am heart broken but -shurg- what can you do.
I finally figured out why im hurt so often, without the help of a therpist no less. Its ironic that I figured this out by getting my heart broken. I always racked up me getting hurt on account of me being so nice and caring. But that is not the case, no my friends Iget hurt because I put myself in the position to be. True, I dont do it the first time I am hurt, but once im hurt once I forgive people to easily, so I put myself back into the same position knowing I will be hurt so I can dislike the person more, thinking if I get hurt enough I will never forgive them. Maybe you do it to?
Ive decided upon this news I need to just seperate myself from my "friends" now, because I need to remove myself from a situation I am already getting hurt in before I keep getting myself hurt.
First to go was keith, but I didnt plan that. Oh no that was just something that happened without me wanting it to.
Second is Cara, and truth is she would have been last if never, if she hadnt broke my trust. But she did, she told everyone about me iming luis and telling him I wished he would come back and still hurt but wish he would, basically, die because of how mean he is. Worst part was she didnt even tell the people she told the correct thing, so now they have a misconstruded view on it and I dont want to tell them the truth because I dont want them to know. So she was the first to be removed from my life.
I have decided tho I need a new set of friends, ones who dont have drama and are more mature but still funny and I need friends who are smart and can hold a real, and sometimes deep, conversation without doing anything stupid for atleast an hour. but I still need people who are caring and funny and odd. Do they have those kind of people or am I destined to be alone?
Edit- I just realized you guys dont know, Luis cheated on me with another girl. I found out by looking at the other girl's myspace... sad right? Well I am heart broken but -shurg- what can you do.
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